Eviction Hijinks

Greetings.

What a day. I just left the courthouse after dealing with 3 eviction cases. It was time to clean house and it wasn’t pretty. If you are not familiar, and I truly hope you are not, this is downtown in the courthouse in the small claims room. Here I sat with Steve, a guy who helps me out with some of the property management, just a few feet away from all 3 soon-to-be-evicted tenants.

EVICTION #1 – Mary.

Mary refused to pay any rent until her floor was fixed. It was in perfect shape in August when she moved in, but now she wasn’t paying. We go over to fix it and she won’t let us in. We go to fix the window that SOMEBODY FUCKING SHOT OUT WITH A GUN WHILE TRYING TO KILL HER SON and she won’t let us in. Fast forward to today sitting in front of the court commissioner where she doesn’t answer the questions asked, pertaining to the non-payment of rent, and instead starts fake crying and talking angrily. Among other ridiculous lies, she told the guy that she took her son to the hospital 2 weeks ago because he had lead poisoning. Hmmmm….2 weeks ago when you got an eviction notice? Sounds convenient. Then she spouted off something about how “they be drinkin nasty water all the time out the faucet.” Amazingly the court commissioner agreed with me that this was all irrelevant and asked her “if the house is so bad why do you want to stay there? Why don’t you just move out?”

As we walked out she was fuming mad for some reason, even though I agreed that if she was out in two weeks I won’t process the eviction and put it on her record.

EVICTION #2 – Latoya and Mark

This time we got called in front of the other commissioner. This guy was no-nonsense. We sat down at the table across from them and Mark gave me an evil glare. I just shrugged, not knowing what to do. To this he called me a “square.” Then the commiss yelled at him to stop that. What a great start. Just to begin the proceeding he simply asked Latoya “Is it true that you received a 5 day eviction notice and that you have not paid any of your backrent?” She started popping off something about how messy the place was and was interrupted by the guy again asking the first sentence. She would not answer it so now I have to go back tomorrow in front of a judge. I’ve never EVER had this happen. The commiss was so frustrated and rolling his eyes that he threw his hands in the air. Not surprising coming from Latoya who can’t read and weighs over 400. Her toilet is broken because she sat on it. It is the 3rd toilet I’ve put on.

EVICTION #3 – Janelle

Janelle was pretty civil. We worked out a plan and if she doesn’t pay the backrent by a certain day she’s gone. So the three of us had to walk out together, and then enjoyed an uncomfortable elevator ride together. To break the awkward silence, Janelle asked what time it was. “3:23” I said. “Oh man, I hope I didn’t get a ticket, my meter ran out at 2:50.” Not ten seconds later we walk out the front doors of the courthouse and she screams “Oh no! That’s MY car they towin!” We got out just in time to watch the tow truck drive off, with her car.

So I drove her to her mom’s house.

What a day. I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.

D