Hey gays. As you may have known, I completed the walk to my Mom’s house on Friday last week. Ryan Novak came over to my place on his last day of unemployment, and we walked. And walked. And walked. The 13.01 mile trek began around 12:45p.m. We both wore matching tank tops for the occasion, they were ones I bought in Mexico that read “No Beer, No Fuckin’ Work” and had a fat mexican guy on it holding his gut up with a wheelbarrow and a beer on his belly.
We walked nonstop til we hit steny’s in walker’s point. There I had a pizza and got hit on. So we kept on walking. When we just about hit Chase, we took a gamble, rather than take an easy detour, we thought we’d see if we could sneak across the bridge under constuction. No dice. We then had to take a full mile detour around. Note: this detour did not count in the final time. So we walked past chuck e cheese and didn’t stop til we hit Jalepeno Loco by the airport. Here we stopped at the mexican restaurant wearing our mexican shirts for 2 pina coladas. They were heavenly.
At about the 11 mile point in Oak Creek, I told Ryan my legs are getting sore. He responded “My legs are just FUCKED UP!” I agreed.
So we finally made it to my mom’s house where we promptly collapsed in the backyard. Then we played whiffle ball and swam in dave stewart’s pool. But anyway, the final time was 4hrs 14minutes 5 seconds. This means that Joe Nuss is the winner with his guess of 4:49. This means that the rest of you are dumb nimrods.
Joe, you win a date with my old roommate snake. Dinner and a movie.
In other news, I am going to fucking Noah’s Ark tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! My pal Myron from San Diego is in town and Mark Mauer is driving us all there. I think there might be a spot open, so get your applications to me ASAP. I can’t wait to go where the water animals play. And I can’t wait to see all of the biblical references there as well.
So long suckers.
DG
Thursday, July 25, 2002
Friday, July 19, 2002
RED ALERT
THE WALK IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY IS THE DAY. RYAN NOVAK IS ON THE WAY OVER TO MY HOME AS I WRITE. YOUR SUPPORT WOULD BE APPRECIATED, SO CALL AND WISH US LUCK @ 555-3283. OH YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 DG
Wednesday, July 17, 2002
did you miss me?
Hey Gays!
I just got back from a short trip to San Diego last night. I spent 4 days and nights there, sleeping on a smelly floor for one night and a very smelly couch wasfor the other 3 nights. I visiting my friend (and many of yours) Myron Kraus, who is also recently unemployed. Just think, tuesday morning while you were in your cubicles, I was swimming in the ocean. On monday when you were stuck in your cubicle or on your 30 minute lunch break, I was drinking one dollar coronas in Mexico. And on Sunday when you were sweating your asses off in that hot and humid church, I was enjoying the all day “over the line” tournament on the beach with a cooler full of beer and hundreds of hot women. Oh yeah, and while you were watching the Brewers lose on saturday, I was watching the Padres lose after tailgating. Oh yeah, and on Friday night I was drinking lots of beer from the Sierra Nevada barrell of beer at the party that myron threw while you were at Bastille Days using tickets to buy beer.
Was that too harsh? If it makes you feel better, I was unknowingly hitting on a 16 year old. I yelled at two girls who were walking down the street and invited them to the party. they were there for probably two hours, drinking with us. Then they invited their other pal over, who looked 12. Then the gig was up. they admitted to some people to being 16 and were banished from the party. I was saved. In other news, I fucked up my wrist pretty bad on thursday night during my softball game. I am pretty sure that I sprained my wrist, but it might be broken, I am not sure since I have no insurance. Either way I hope i meet a fine lady soon, because I am unable to take care of certain things now.
I also went to the all star game at miller park last week. I don’t think I told y’all about it. I rode my bike down there with marcus “pipes” mauer just to take in the atmosphere and be a part of something big. It turns out i got a $150 ticket for 75 bucks and I went in. I got there in time to see everything, including introductions, and including this big fat fucker in my seat. So I got him out and to my delight, he actually got to sit next to me with his nasty stupid ass girlfriend/wife person. The game was exciting and great, don’t get me wrong, but there were a few problems with the gigantor next to me.
First of all, the man took up half of my seat with his flab. He didn’t use his armrests for his arms, it was for his blubber. Next, he was a very vocal guy. Literally, EVERY SINGLE pitch, swing, or defensive play made this fucking idiot yell a comment. Most common was “RIPPED!!!” EVERY SINGLE time somebody hit the ball, fair or foul. Another favorite of his was a loud “WOOF!” when somebody swung and missed. Also, for every ball, he said “that’s a ball” and of course “that is a STRIKE” for every strike. In addition he would often yell “THAT is a BASE HIT!” He thought he was mister know it all about every fucking thing about baseball when he clearly knew nothing. He even pointed out to everyone around that “they have a man in scoring position, all we need is a base hit to score a run now.” It was unbearable.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that this ugly beast of a man also must have forgotten to brush his teeth for the last week, and he had a cold and coughed nonstop about 6 inches from my face. He chewed his food loudly with his mouth open and I nearly died. To add to his ignorance, he only clapped for the black players when the introductions were done (he was black).
Luckily after the 8th inning the crowd thinned out. I moved down to the 2nd level from the 4th and took a seat. After a few minutes of sitting and observing, I realized Ichiro’s family was sitting literally right next to me, and Freddy Garcia’s family was in front of me.
I wonder if any of you actually read this whole email.
Since my hand is fucked up I can’t really paint or repair houses, but I can certainly walk, so it WILL happen soon.
So long suckers
dg
I just got back from a short trip to San Diego last night. I spent 4 days and nights there, sleeping on a smelly floor for one night and a very smelly couch wasfor the other 3 nights. I visiting my friend (and many of yours) Myron Kraus, who is also recently unemployed. Just think, tuesday morning while you were in your cubicles, I was swimming in the ocean. On monday when you were stuck in your cubicle or on your 30 minute lunch break, I was drinking one dollar coronas in Mexico. And on Sunday when you were sweating your asses off in that hot and humid church, I was enjoying the all day “over the line” tournament on the beach with a cooler full of beer and hundreds of hot women. Oh yeah, and while you were watching the Brewers lose on saturday, I was watching the Padres lose after tailgating. Oh yeah, and on Friday night I was drinking lots of beer from the Sierra Nevada barrell of beer at the party that myron threw while you were at Bastille Days using tickets to buy beer.
Was that too harsh? If it makes you feel better, I was unknowingly hitting on a 16 year old. I yelled at two girls who were walking down the street and invited them to the party. they were there for probably two hours, drinking with us. Then they invited their other pal over, who looked 12. Then the gig was up. they admitted to some people to being 16 and were banished from the party. I was saved. In other news, I fucked up my wrist pretty bad on thursday night during my softball game. I am pretty sure that I sprained my wrist, but it might be broken, I am not sure since I have no insurance. Either way I hope i meet a fine lady soon, because I am unable to take care of certain things now.
I also went to the all star game at miller park last week. I don’t think I told y’all about it. I rode my bike down there with marcus “pipes” mauer just to take in the atmosphere and be a part of something big. It turns out i got a $150 ticket for 75 bucks and I went in. I got there in time to see everything, including introductions, and including this big fat fucker in my seat. So I got him out and to my delight, he actually got to sit next to me with his nasty stupid ass girlfriend/wife person. The game was exciting and great, don’t get me wrong, but there were a few problems with the gigantor next to me.
First of all, the man took up half of my seat with his flab. He didn’t use his armrests for his arms, it was for his blubber. Next, he was a very vocal guy. Literally, EVERY SINGLE pitch, swing, or defensive play made this fucking idiot yell a comment. Most common was “RIPPED!!!” EVERY SINGLE time somebody hit the ball, fair or foul. Another favorite of his was a loud “WOOF!” when somebody swung and missed. Also, for every ball, he said “that’s a ball” and of course “that is a STRIKE” for every strike. In addition he would often yell “THAT is a BASE HIT!” He thought he was mister know it all about every fucking thing about baseball when he clearly knew nothing. He even pointed out to everyone around that “they have a man in scoring position, all we need is a base hit to score a run now.” It was unbearable.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that this ugly beast of a man also must have forgotten to brush his teeth for the last week, and he had a cold and coughed nonstop about 6 inches from my face. He chewed his food loudly with his mouth open and I nearly died. To add to his ignorance, he only clapped for the black players when the introductions were done (he was black).
Luckily after the 8th inning the crowd thinned out. I moved down to the 2nd level from the 4th and took a seat. After a few minutes of sitting and observing, I realized Ichiro’s family was sitting literally right next to me, and Freddy Garcia’s family was in front of me.
I wonder if any of you actually read this whole email.
Since my hand is fucked up I can’t really paint or repair houses, but I can certainly walk, so it WILL happen soon.
So long suckers
dg
Monday, July 8, 2002
what a holiday
Good morning rods! I assume you are all back happily at work. I just had a psychic incident. I dreamt (dreamed?) that I was in high school and I was sleeping on my parents’ couch. I asked my mom to wake me up at 7:30 so I could make it to school on time. And I shit you not——my roommate woke me up today at just about 7:30, and he said it was my mom on the phone!!! So I get the phone and it was not quite my mom, but my sister calling from my mom’s house. Fucking weird.
So I am very happy that summerfest is finally over. Of the 11 days, I visited the grounds on 7 occasions. Only one of those did not involve getting drunk. Coincidentally, I am sick as a dog now. I either have the flu, mono, tuberculosis, or genital warts. Whatever I have I am worn down, always tired, and my stomach feels queasy all the time, and I often have to use the toilet for a liquidy #2. So I am going to try and get better soon.
Have you guys seen the new road runner commercial? This is the follow up to the one where the stereotypical asian man says “road runnah is ah fahst!” Well, in the new edition, he says “Fahst Ball, ovah thah plate!” Again, his bunch of fucking assholes family laughs at the poor guy. He is, however, a great actor and I need to find out what else he is in.
By the way, thanks for showing your support for Gilbert Gottfried. I think I only saw about 8 of you there for the 9:00 show. The man was brilliant. He intentionally tried to get people to leave. He told no jokes. All he did was make references to 1950’s actors that nobody in our generation remembers. Example—“Ok, here’s Bella Lugosi starring in “12 Angry Men”” then he proceeded with a half ass impression of him. Then he would start singing some extremely old song nobody knew. He was obviously drunk or on crack. And there was this fucking man/woman beast that wanted his cock. She was laughing out loud when Gilbert was not even being funny pretending that she “got it.” Then this beast tried getting into fights with everyone. Then my friend Mauer got to sit next to her.
I went to the All-Star Futures game and the celebrity softball game last night at Miller Park. Coolio is a fucking dork. Rollie Fingers played Right Center, which is my position, and he made me proud. It was so empty that scalpers were already asking if we needed tickets before we got out of our car. We got sweet $40 tix for 20 bucks. And we could have had cheaper. I bet Tuesday’s game will be the same.
I am going to san diego to visit my pal Myron on friday morning at 11. If any of you want to go it is only $196 round trip. I am also going to Europe again around September 7th or so, so get your passports ready. If you have any recommendations in Europe I’d love to hear them. So long, suckers. Dave
So I am very happy that summerfest is finally over. Of the 11 days, I visited the grounds on 7 occasions. Only one of those did not involve getting drunk. Coincidentally, I am sick as a dog now. I either have the flu, mono, tuberculosis, or genital warts. Whatever I have I am worn down, always tired, and my stomach feels queasy all the time, and I often have to use the toilet for a liquidy #2. So I am going to try and get better soon.
Have you guys seen the new road runner commercial? This is the follow up to the one where the stereotypical asian man says “road runnah is ah fahst!” Well, in the new edition, he says “Fahst Ball, ovah thah plate!” Again, his bunch of fucking assholes family laughs at the poor guy. He is, however, a great actor and I need to find out what else he is in.
By the way, thanks for showing your support for Gilbert Gottfried. I think I only saw about 8 of you there for the 9:00 show. The man was brilliant. He intentionally tried to get people to leave. He told no jokes. All he did was make references to 1950’s actors that nobody in our generation remembers. Example—“Ok, here’s Bella Lugosi starring in “12 Angry Men”” then he proceeded with a half ass impression of him. Then he would start singing some extremely old song nobody knew. He was obviously drunk or on crack. And there was this fucking man/woman beast that wanted his cock. She was laughing out loud when Gilbert was not even being funny pretending that she “got it.” Then this beast tried getting into fights with everyone. Then my friend Mauer got to sit next to her.
I went to the All-Star Futures game and the celebrity softball game last night at Miller Park. Coolio is a fucking dork. Rollie Fingers played Right Center, which is my position, and he made me proud. It was so empty that scalpers were already asking if we needed tickets before we got out of our car. We got sweet $40 tix for 20 bucks. And we could have had cheaper. I bet Tuesday’s game will be the same.
I am going to san diego to visit my pal Myron on friday morning at 11. If any of you want to go it is only $196 round trip. I am also going to Europe again around September 7th or so, so get your passports ready. If you have any recommendations in Europe I’d love to hear them. So long, suckers. Dave
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