did you miss me?

Hey Gays!

I just got back from a short trip to San Diego last night. I spent 4 days and nights there, sleeping on a smelly floor for one night and a very smelly couch wasfor the other 3 nights. I visiting my friend (and many of yours) Myron Kraus, who is also recently unemployed. Just think, tuesday morning while you were in your cubicles, I was swimming in the ocean. On monday when you were stuck in your cubicle or on your 30 minute lunch break, I was drinking one dollar coronas in Mexico. And on Sunday when you were sweating your asses off in that hot and humid church, I was enjoying the all day “over the line” tournament on the beach with a cooler full of beer and hundreds of hot women. Oh yeah, and while you were watching the Brewers lose on saturday, I was watching the Padres lose after tailgating. Oh yeah, and on Friday night I was drinking lots of beer from the Sierra Nevada barrell of beer at the party that myron threw while you were at Bastille Days using tickets to buy beer.

Was that too harsh? If it makes you feel better, I was unknowingly hitting on a 16 year old. I yelled at two girls who were walking down the street and invited them to the party. they were there for probably two hours, drinking with us. Then they invited their other pal over, who looked 12. Then the gig was up. they admitted to some people to being 16 and were banished from the party. I was saved. In other news, I fucked up my wrist pretty bad on thursday night during my softball game. I am pretty sure that I sprained my wrist, but it might be broken, I am not sure since I have no insurance. Either way I hope i meet a fine lady soon, because I am unable to take care of certain things now.

I also went to the all star game at miller park last week. I don’t think I told y’all about it. I rode my bike down there with marcus “pipes” mauer just to take in the atmosphere and be a part of something big. It turns out i got a $150 ticket for 75 bucks and I went in. I got there in time to see everything, including introductions, and including this big fat fucker in my seat. So I got him out and to my delight, he actually got to sit next to me with his nasty stupid ass girlfriend/wife person. The game was exciting and great, don’t get me wrong, but there were a few problems with the gigantor next to me.

First of all, the man took up half of my seat with his flab. He didn’t use his armrests for his arms, it was for his blubber. Next, he was a very vocal guy. Literally, EVERY SINGLE pitch, swing, or defensive play made this fucking idiot yell a comment. Most common was “RIPPED!!!” EVERY SINGLE time somebody hit the ball, fair or foul. Another favorite of his was a loud “WOOF!” when somebody swung and missed. Also, for every ball, he said “that’s a ball” and of course “that is a STRIKE” for every strike. In addition he would often yell “THAT is a BASE HIT!” He thought he was mister know it all about every fucking thing about baseball when he clearly knew nothing. He even pointed out to everyone around that “they have a man in scoring position, all we need is a base hit to score a run now.” It was unbearable.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that this ugly beast of a man also must have forgotten to brush his teeth for the last week, and he had a cold and coughed nonstop about 6 inches from my face. He chewed his food loudly with his mouth open and I nearly died. To add to his ignorance, he only clapped for the black players when the introductions were done (he was black).

Luckily after the 8th inning the crowd thinned out. I moved down to the 2nd level from the 4th and took a seat. After a few minutes of sitting and observing, I realized Ichiro’s family was sitting literally right next to me, and Freddy Garcia’s family was in front of me.

I wonder if any of you actually read this whole email.

Since my hand is fucked up I can’t really paint or repair houses, but I can certainly walk, so it WILL happen soon.

So long suckers

dg