the time is near

Hey kids, I know it has been a while since I last talked to you all, but there has been a lot going on. Actually, a lot of bad shit has been going on in my life, and I think I'll share some of this with you, if only to make your day brighter.

Basically, bad luck has been kicking my ass lately. I must have done myself in by going to Europe or something, because this string of bad luck is unprecedented in my 26 years on this Earth. So here is a list of my bad luck lately--enjoy.

1. Burglary #1 -- I think I already told you this one, when I returned from Europe, I found out that some villain took my camcorder, my dvd collection, and my dvd player. That sucked.

2. Burglary #2 -- Some of you might have heard of this one. You remember my maggot filled refrigerator in one of my properties? Well, it turns out that my old tenant that I evicted there was upset that I never returned his security deposit (even though he owed 2 months rent) and in broad daylight snuck into the house and removed the fridge and stove, both brand new appliances, and the fridge sparkling clean.

3. Burglary #3 -- This one happened last night. I took out a fridge and stove from another property (luckily these were not new) to work on them. They were on the side of the house. I went there yesterday afternoon to get to work and somebody had taken them. This incident merely made me chuckle.

4. Car Issue #1 -- Muffler and tailpipe fell off my Jeep. So I had to replace, not too bad, but it nearly prevented me from seeing a movie.

5. Plumbing Issue #1 -- The shower drain and the upstairs sink drain were completely clogged, not a drop went down. This went on for a week, so I had to shower at the gym, my parents' house or one of my properties.

6. Plumbing Issue #2 -- I had a plumber come to my house. The plumber was nearly done with replacing the pipe from underneath the bathroom (in the kitchen ceiling) when he accidentally cut a hole in the water pipe. In about 5 seconds I already had 2 inches of water in the kitchen, and water was bursting everywhere like a fire hydrant. To top it off, I was charged for the 4 extra hours it took him to fix the mishap, plus parts.

7. Mary Johnson's Furnace -- This damn thing has a mind of its own. So does Mary. I got an earful on more than one occasion to fix her heat. One day I was next door fixing a door at Debra's house, and after Mary got done reaming me out, some man I never saw before--balding, toothless, 60 years old, startes "hollering" at me in some type of toothless babble I couldn't understand. I think he said something about heat.

8. I am broke. I had to pay two of my mortgages with credit card checks.

9. Women are dumb and mean lately.

10. I have a job. This is the worst luck of all. I begin work on November 4th. I will have a cubicle in a big office and my retirement will end just short of six months.

I know there has been other bad luck items, but many of them I have tried to forget in order to make myself feel better. I have not given up hope yet, yesterday was a sign that things are going to get better--the new Rocket From the Crypt album came out, and it rocks.

By the way, if any of you are on AOL instant messenger, my name there is bluemanity1, and you should drop me a line.

Well, time to go enjoy my final moments of freedom.

d